Love Matters

It was done. It had killed me, just killed me. Life had no meaning, absolutely no meaning, 

mind-numbing  strange  anxiety  juxtaposed  with  racing  incoherent  thoughts.  Nothing  could 

give  me  peace,  and  that  was  the  way  it  was,  and  it  was  to  remain  like  that  forever.  I  was 

helpless, downtrodden, nomadic, clueless, soulless wanderer searching for a meaning, if there 

was one. Maybe the time was not right, maybe I had to learn much more, may be it was all a 

dream. But it was really a bad, a real bad one. 

I mean life doesn't stop for god's sake,  you have to fight against the strong waves moving 

forwards  or  backwards  or  sideways.  And  so  my  life  was  sifting  through  the  valley  of 

nonsense on the back of a motionless train halted at a station due to  broken track.  Everything 

else was flowing so fast, it was hard to  hold onto even the most precious things in life let 

alone the rotten junk, and beautiful shit you have accumulated during the golden years. But 

that was the way it was and nothing I could do about it.

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"Get  ready,  will  pick  you  up  at  5"  said  S,  "Yeah,  sure"  I  retorted.  We  were  going  to  the

marriage ceremony of  a friend of a friend of my friend  who lived some 200 miles away from

our place. Seemed like an inception of friendship. But I was eager, god damn dying to get out

of my apartment. So we marched on, but my mom as usual was suspicious about my trip,

"Koi ladkiyon ke saath picnic to nahi manane ja rahe?" as if I would have told her even if I

was. I so wished I was going with girls  to  some  hill station, but that was not the case, I had

signed up for a gay time.

Amazing lush green fields with huge trees along the borders  and sporadic scare-crows were

visible through the small window of our moving super deluxe coach. We were slowly going

towards  our  nameless  destination,  with  strong  wind  striking  our  faces,  talking  to  us.

Sometimes  when  you  see  such  a  view  after  a  long  time  you  feel  relaxed,  I  mean  you  can

breathe  again,  freely.  Going  nowhere  you  are,  you  know  that,  but  it  calms  your  mind  and

soul, it's therapeutic.

"Why you want to do that man, what's the point?" asked S when I told him that a guy from

my college was on a cycle tour from the bottom of the country, Kerala to Ladakh. I also want

to do that, or at least I think it will be  incredible. Meeting new people, talking to them, living

with them, seeing different facets of humanity, the hell-hole of traditions, it will be something

interesting in many ways. "What's the point of anything anyway, it's all ABSURD" I replied

and closed my eyes.

Finally our stop came and we got down from the bus. It was totally dark with very warm and

humid feeling.

"First class rickshaw sarkar, kahan jana hai, sawaari taiyaar hai’; "Sir chalo main le chalta 

hu, jaldi baitho" like ants near a spilled chunk of sugar, auto-wallas surrounded us, snatched

our bags, and pushed us in their auto. "Yeah V, we have  reached, meet us at the bus-stand" S

told  his  friend  V  who  was  coming  to  receive  us.  The  rickshaw  was  a  vehicle  that  was

optimally designed (read indo-vation) to fit maximum number of people in a given amount of

space and that is 100 people, in one rickshaw. 4 in front, 8 in middle, 50 flying, holding tight

at the back and few sitting on the top and remaining hanging at the bottom. 'Desire is the root

cause of all misery, no desire no misery. I want to earn only as much as I can spend" spoke S,

though I agreed with him but I didn't nod I just blabbered some foolish argument in response.

Passenger sitting next to me just looked at me and I thought he was going to kill me but he

just sighed. After sometime, I saw V waiting for us and we rushed out of the rickshaw.

"You know he has made a big mistake, he has made a big fool of all of us. His parents, his

friends, relatives I mean what was the need to do all this. I am totally ashamed." Told V when

we asked him about the marriage that was going to happen. "Why parents didn't agree?"  V

told us that neither of the parental sides had agreed to the love marriage. But bride and groom

had  already  officially  tied  the  knot  in  the  court.  "S  you  won't  believe  only  4  people  came

today to the  Baraat ceremony, two of them, me and bride's pet dog Jacky."Oh man, what a

sad sight that must have been I thought. Is it all really worth to take so much trouble to attain

what  you think  you  want? "His elder brother had so many plans for his marriage, after his

own  marriage  wasn't  that  great  due  sudden  death  of  a  young  cousin  on  the  night  of  his

marriage. His brother had decided that he will spend a lot on his brother's marriage, and had

been  saving  since  ages  but  now  see  what  has  happened!  Who's  responsible  for  this?"

continued V.

Picking our bags we went in search for a place for the night stay and some food to eat. V took

us to an eating joint "N this place has the most delicious chicken, its famous in the whole of

India, all those morons who don't like non-veg food should taste a bite of the chicken these

people also make mutton …" he said in a short breath. Having my bite of the chicken, which

was juicy and surprisingly mildly spicy I glanced at the view. The city looked dull and dusty

rattling in the noisy warm night. The orange street lights were dim and the roads were totally

disrupted. Few drunken men were roaming along the road, muddy cows were munching on

garbage and sapless street dogs were barking in the shadows. It was not a place I would like

to stay in for a long time, yet V  seemed ecstatic to be here. And S, well he was bus y on his

new Samsung phone, multi-chatting on the shittiest of the apps ever made by man, what-dapp.

We entered a hotel that smelled  like stale  woolen  clothes that are kept in a closed Cupboard

for over 10 years. "Sir all rooms are filled, we only have a double delight left, should I seal

that  for  you?"  muttered  the  hotel  receptionist  in  a  thick  Punjabi  accent.  A  Double  delight

room  for  3  males  how  GAY!  But  we  had  no  choice  so  we  sealed  it.  As  we  were  going

towards  our  room we looked at the ceiling of the corridor and it was broken, with pieces of

cement or whatever dripping down like rain.

"I don't know much but the A.C works perfectly fine. Glass is there, water bowl is there, T.V

remote is here and call 212 for anything else you need. 212" informed the hotel  boy who had

come along with us. "Let's quickly open the beer cans and eat the chicken" said V. "Yes man

we are really tired need some unwinding”.

Stories mostly related to their work, their manager, work colleagues were told by S and V. I

had nothing to  do, so just sipping on  beer I listened to them and realized  how much they hate

those people. Money makes the world go round, and not everyone can quit their job. I guess

it's a luxury not a right to do what you really want to do in life. Not everyone can afford that

luxury.

"This movie has no scene yar, it's just waste of time" complained S we watched  Hawas. True

the movie wasn't vulgar at all contrary to the title but it had many funny scenes. I can't recall

when I dosed off but it must have been while watching the movie.  The  bed was soft and the

new structure of the room, broken  ceiling was a welcome change. I  hadn't slept better in a

long time.

"Come guys what are you doing, we are going to be late for the reception' screamed V and

woke me up. I looked at the  watch and  it was just 8:30 am. The AC had made the room too

cold and I was lying  on the bed curled  like a zygote in a mother's womb refusing to leave it.

"It's going to be weird we 3 plus few other guests only. I hope nobody asks N who he is   and

what was he doing here?' said S. I replied "Yeah man, I am scared but you know I don't care

anymore, my life is pretty screwed up anyway. Besides I don't think anyone will ask this"

We got ready, and started moving towards the marriage hall. I didn't  take a bath cause the

water was too cold, anyway  I hardly ever take bath two days in a row that's a lot of wastage

of time and water. Fortunately the marriage hall was on the 4th floor of the same hotel  but

there  were  no  signs  of  a  marriage  party.  I  thought  it  was  too  early  that's  why  nobody  has

come as yet, "The function begins at 12 …sharp' shouted a tall guy standing next to me. My

heart was racing fast like on the night of an exam. I was wishing that everything goes alright

for last thing I would have liked to see was an unfortunate newly-wed couple. It would be

very depressing, maybe even more than my current life I thought.

We  took  a lift  to  the  Hall.  Hall  was  completely  empty,  except  for  2  people  decorating  the

stage with flowers. The flowers were bit wrinkled,  full of  thorns  symbolizing  the state of the

marriage  ceremony. It was about 11 am now, and yet no guest had come. I had never seen

such a marriage,  filled with  vacant  chairs  and so much  quiet.  I was feeling dizzy  so forced S

&V  to  leave  the  hall  and  go  downstairs  for  a  hit.  Lighting  the  cigarette  on  a  warm  sunny

morning, with sweat dripping down your face isn't something I would like to do very often.

But at that moment that was what I desperately wanted.

Another friend of V had come, and we guys had planned to have a drink before going again

to the  marriage  hall. So we went a small underground bar, and drank and drank and drank

some more. The beer was old and tasted rotten but the nuts were fine. And you know after so

much  drinking  nothing  much  matters,  but  surprisingly  I  wasn't  that  drunk  for  I  was  still

thinking about the married couple.  V was talking about how he will move to  the  US if his

boss keeps on being an asshole. And I guess he had given up caring for his friend's  ruined

marriage  ceremony.  But I was  still  thinking  “Will somebody turn up; will the  parents  come,

their friends, and their guardians… does anybody fucking cares? Life can't be so cruel.”

After  heavy  drinking,  and  thinking  and  smoking  we  entered  the  hall  again,  crawling.  And

they  were  there…  yes  two  lovers  were  there  sitting  happily  on  a  sofa  whose  one  leg  was

temporarily  fixed  using  duct  tape  and  supported  by  a  few  cardboard.  Surrounded  by  the

flowers  they were staring into each other's eyes and  they  were totally lost. They seemed like

the happiest people on the planet, with no wants or needs. They were continuously smiling

and didn't care about who has showed up and who hasn't; they were enough for each other. It

brought a smile on my  face and I felt  so peaceful, satisfied  like  something divine  was in the

vicinity. The tranquility  you feel when you are in temple  and you hear the chiming bells, hit

me. My soul  was  re-filled  with numerous quanta of life. If there is GOD,  I  had witnessed  it

and I knew I wasn't the only one.

Love  songs  were  being  played  in  the  background,  and  they  quite  rightly  answered  every

question people were asking. Though more people than expected had come, but no one was

really  there.  To  our  surprise  the  Girl's  family  had  also  come  and  boy's  elder  brother  and

father  too.  Girl's  parents  came  on  the  stage  and  clicked  a  photo  with  her  and  went  back.

Similarly numerous other people came on stage, smiled and did the same thing. It was now

our turn to go on the stage, I was bit nervous but what the hell. I hugged the groom tightly

and handed him an envelope with money and a hand-written note in it.

Note  said:  “Wish  you  very  good  luck  for  the  coming  life.  What  you  have  done  is  an

inspiration to all the lovers of the world. Living your life in your way is the only success and

happiness anyone can achieve. May god bless you two.”

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"Let's Dance!! Please everyone” said the groom to all of us. And next moment we were there

dancing to the beats of the latest Punjabi songs. One cute Punjabi girl who looked like the

actress  Yami Gautam was dancing too. Suddenly some  romantic number was played by the

DJ and she looked at me, and smiled... We all started dancing  gently  like a ball-room dance

and  most  couple  started  to  dance  together.  S  and  V  had  made  a  pair,  were  looking  cute.  I

believe after sometime  the cute girl  took my hand and we were dancing together, and I felt

loved  like I have never been in a long  long  time and I smiled and cried and smiled.  Slowly

the music started to fade away and I passed out in her arms…