Lecher -III

The train is moving. I see outside the window, pulling the curtains aside. Dim, flickering yellow lights are all over. The trees are dancing in the night bending and spreading their branches like they are very happy. I take a deep breath without thinking much. The song in my earphones suddenly becomes too loud, I press the volume down button.

A pensive flash comes. I always thought I would do something good, big with my life. Like I was made to do something astonishing, world changing, that I will put a mark on the world. But nothing like that has happened till now. And I have no hopes that it will happen in the near future.

Pure white panties. With a cute flower shaped ribbon around the elastic. And through it I see small thin hairs that aren’t shaved ever, for it’s very difficult to reach there. Brown is the color of the skin. She’s bending to take something out of her bag. She’s unaware that anybody is looking at her. I see her from behind, I feel alive.

She’s wearing black thick glasses on a pointed nose. Few passion pimples on her face make me feel that she’s on top of her libido. Like a lava about to erupt. A book she’s reading, “The Immortals of Meluha”. Sitting clearly opposite to me on the lower berth, lying with her small breasts touching the berth she seems immersed in her book. She’s wearing pink tight pajamas, which clearly make her flesh palpable. She must be studying at a college, first year, DU most probably I think to myself. I feel much tensed.

I keep looking at her, though fearing she might glance at me sometime. But she doesn’t. She just keeps staring at her boring childish book. Her Long black hair, make her look bit mysterious to me. They are shiny, and oily. Like a mystified creature calling for attention. They are like a wrong turn with sparkling lights which entices you to change direction. I know she can’t ever think that I’m thinking so much about her. She doesn’t even know that I’m here, that such people exist. She thinks world is a beautiful place.

I change my direction, and take the dirty blanket above my body in this heat. I curve like a newly born baby, trying to enclose my body in as small area as possible. I shut my eyes tightly. Darkness with sporadic never-ending waves of light is all I see. The surface of berth is rough and inhumane. The sound of the train is too heavy to bear.

I unzip my pants. I can already feel that I’m excited, no surprises. I slid the underpants down, it feels rousing. It’s thick, and solid, pointing. The veins are protruding, flowing with rush of blood. I start going into a different world, slowly. I imagine her standing naked in front of me, deeply embarrassed. She covers her bosoms with her hands and closes her legs to hide her bushes. I move them away with my hands. She bites her lips and looks in the other direction.

I’m moving very quickly now, with my chin lifted and any minute it will be done. Sometimes it feels much automated, devoid of any feelings, like a green plant in desert. Nothing comes out of it. But it’s like a mundane job, which has to be completed without any goal attached to it; it has to be finished because it makes everything else stop.

Everything comes to a momentary still, and I let everything go with a long breath. I relax and
move my hand away from the sticky mess. I fall asleep.

Final station is about to arrive. A train worker arrives and Informs that final stop is coming
soon and wakes everyone up. I wear my shoes and go towards the washroom to brush my
teeth. I see that she’s still sleeping, calmly. I feel like telling her something that I don’t even
know. I see myself in the mirror, my beard is over grown and the skin has become pale, and
eyes red. Maybe I’m suffering from more diseases than I know. I touch my nose it feels
tender with bruises on the edges. I sense my cheek bone with my fingers, and they hurt
severely. I don’t remember how.

The freshness in the toothbrush is the best thing I have felt in ages. I open the side-door of the
train. The dawn is breaking people are coming out of their houses and going for morning
walks. Birds are flying high and chirping in the misty sky. The wind is new, devoid of any
wrong doing, calling for a change, hitting against my face. I’m barely able to open my eyes
against the fast wind, but I try. Tears flow from the sides of my eyes. I can see the sun
coming out, spreading it brilliance and I sincerely hope that this day is different from the
bygones. And then I see her.


*** This is the 3rd  part of a multi-post series. For other parts of the story please explore the Blog. *** 

Love the Goal or Love the Process ?

So few days back I met an old friend after a long time. We were chatting casually and I can't remember how but a debate started. The debate was gentle in the beginning but it moved towards being fierce and finally concluded by both us of agreeing to disagree.

After the debate was over I came home and thought much about it. Below I have jotted down some points about my understanding and digging bit deep.

The topic of the debate is , "Are people motivated more by the goal or by the process ? or is it subjective ?" to explain it a bit further, do people love the goal so much that they can go through any process to achieve it or people just love a certain process which they follow and in consequence achieve something worthy which wasn't a goal a priori.

Let me begin with the describing first side of the argument i.e goals are more important. We all have heard about people who have climbed highest peaks, people who cross english channels and people who sacrificed their lives while making the first airplane. All these people don't care much about the process they have to go through. Goal is the only thing in their mind and that's what keeps them going. Everytime they are stuck on a problem they remind themselves about the goal and keep moving forward, without caring about extracting happiness from day-to-day activities. Achieving the final goal i.e climbing the mountain is the only thing care about and they can take any pain, any displeasure in the pursuit of it.

Other type of people are who love the process and don't need big goals to do something. It's easier to understand these kind of people. Artists, scientists, sportsmen all love their respective fields. Musicians love to compose, play music, sportmen love to play sports, and scientists love the process of science. They don't want a well described goal such as winning a certain tournament, music award as their primary cause of satisfaction. They care about their day-to-day activities and that makes them happy. They may have short term day-to-day goals but it's not a big goal that is making them work day in day out. In a way you can say that everyday process is the goal for them.

Now anything you do has essentially two parts i.e a goal and a process. Both of these elements are interdependent. I will explain two scenarios where focus on one and not other will lead to undesirable results.

First scenario, where you only care about the goal and not much about the process. Say you are motivated by the goal of making an airplane. You are ready to do anything to make one airplane. You start with full enthusiasm but only if you follow the process properly step by step can you achieve the goal. You will have to love the process to move towards the goal, there is no other way to achieve the goal in the optimum way. You might achieve the goal without loving the process too but that won't be optimum.

Other scenario is that care only about loving the process say making music. Everyday you wake up and first thing you do is to play music. In that case if you don't have a goal like performing with a band, your learning may not be optimum. You will be investing time and effort but you might be learning as much as you can. Once you have a defined goal of performing in front of a big crowd you get new burst of energy and enthusiasm. You start working more carefully, more systematically, putting in more effort and pushing yourself. Without a goal you can be a good music player but a goal always pushes you to become better.

Now which scenario you fit to is entirely up to your personal tastes. I fit the second one and I agree that there can be people who are more motivated by a big goal. I believe that an optimum way to do anything would be to do something that you love and that moves you towards a goal which you would like to achieve. Most of the people these days consider this as the definition of a desirable career. But again the final question of satisfaction remains subjective hence can't be answered by anyone else than you. Some people might be fully satisfied playing in a small band and others won't be satisfied even by achieving a big goal.

The strategy of loving the final goal might distract you from the process and cause lot of frustration if you don't achieve the goal but still you can ever do away with the process. Infact there are some goals which are so big that they can't be achieved in a life time. In those cases it's ok to make progress in incremental steps and love the process. Most of the goals that require strong domain expertise can't be achieved only by motivations towards the goal but more importantly it requires years of dedication and hard work. As Thomas Edison appositely put it, "Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration"

On the other hand loving only the process might cause unhappiness when you reflect back on your life or when someone asks you about your accomplishments. You might feel that you have achieved little less than you could have.

Loving the process not only maximises your happiness, it also gives you a good shot at anything you want to achieve and keeps you focused. Goals may change from time to time, mostly they tend to become bigger and bigger, but the process remains the same. Once you have understood the process, there won't be much difficulty in achieving the goals you care about.

Good luck, all power to you.

New year Resolutions : 2015

1. Read more books
2. Travel more
3. Watch more movies
4. Develop deep thinking
5. Figure out the goal
6. Work on that goal
7. Be calm and composed
8. Laugh more
9. Run
10. Eat better
11. Stop wasting time on Facebook 
12. Keep searching beauty
13. Stop lying
14. Stop giving advice
15. Meditate
16. Meet new people 
17. Journey within myself
18. Learn music
19. Not give promises
20. Write more.

Lecher - II

I married the wrong girl. What the fucking fuck, how can I marry the wrong girl. What was I thinking or wasn't thinking anything at all. I saw her photo on the internet, and I became blind. She was as white as pure marble with red tinged cheeks, long pointed nose, soft pink lips, big limitless eyes filled with mascara, hair falling down her face like brush strokes of a renaissance painting. Nothing less than a film star. I couldn't believe how can a girl like her say yes to me. I thought this was my golden compensation god has given me for all the shit that has happened to me all my life. But boy was I wrong.

It started at a local restaurant. She was wearing a black short skirt and a white top with flowers all around. I could see through her top that she is wearing a red bra. I can kill for a red bra, its the sexiest thing a girl can wear. I keep visiting lingerie sites to see girls displaying red bras. Her thighs were looking like the road to heaven, white, alluring, enticing, forcing you to gaze into them. She wore long heels with shiny cheap jewelry all around the rim.  I had to cross my legs for it was too much for me too handle.

"So how are you? I'm so glad you could meet me. "  she started.
"I was dying to meet you."
"Oh come on don't flatter me "
"No I'm not. I'm praying you say yes to me"
"Not so soon baby" and she laughs little too loudly and bites her lips, the guys from the nearby table stare at us.

"I keep looking at your pictures, all the time. In the office, while travelling, while reading, while eating. I am getting addicted to your beauty" I confess.
"Awww! baby, I like it so much when you say this"
"I can say this all the time but we are getting late for the movie. Lets leave for it soon"
"Yes lets go"

I see her from behind, and imagine how would they look without any covering. Will it feel good to spank them with the palm of my hand, making a sharp sound, of course it will.
We leave for the nearby cinema hall.

It is an evening show but the movie isn't so popular so I didn't expect much crowd to show up. I get the tickets and finally we enter the hall.

So the movie begins. It's a story of an English king who can't control his speech. I lose interest soon.

I always think why it's so dark inside the movie theater, it's not that we can't see the movie in the bright light. I think has a rather deeper purpose to it.

So shes sitting besides me staring at the movie screen. I look at her side face . She is immersed in the movie, sitting innocently like a baby. She looks like an angel, an angel who has step down to meet me for reasons unknown. After sometime my eyes roll down her body automatically. I don't know why this happens but I would assume it's natural.  Her cleavage is my drug. The separation two white breasts attracts me like fresh food pulls a tramp.

I whisper "I love you", she doesn't listen. I repeat reaching for her ear this time "I love you baby". She says, " What?" "I said I love you" , she looks at me with teary eyes. "I love you too"

She holds my hand tight, fingers crossed in fingers. I could feel her finger rings. She glances at me smiles and keeps on watching the movie. I have no interest in the movie at all so I look at the people sitting nearby. I see a teenage boy sitting in the row next to mine with an elderly lady, maybe his mother. But something doesn't feel right with the way they are sitting, arm in arm.


I turn towards her and see the reflection of the movie falling on her chest. Unintelligible color flashes are moving through her hair. She looks towards me I quickly put on my hand on her neck. I feel it slowly until she can't stop looking at me. Her neck is so smooth and soft and it full of blood. I can feel that she's trembling, and breathing slowly like on a chill winter morning. She says "Stop .. Please " but I don't 'cos I can't.

I let my right hand slide inside her bra. She gives me a shocking look like she has seen a ghost. They feel so soft so warm and so big. I am sure she has never been touched before like the way I'm touching her. I caress her hard nipples and she shrinks herself taking a deep breathe in. I try to embrace all the area of it so that nothing is left behind, and nothing is unconquered. There's a sound and she suddenly she throws my hand out. I sit back, stare at the dark endless roof top and close my eyes.

During the interval, I go to the rest room. On my way I see a girl standing with a guy from my office.  Shes a bit chubby but her black spectacles, and red lipstick give her a seductive look. I look at her and She stares into my eyes, smiles. I move past her.
As I start doing my thing, suddenly I hear, "Hey man you came here for the movie?"
"Oh hi, yes. But it wasn't a good decision"
"Man I have come here with a girl I met on an internet forum. She's amazing"
"Really. Every girl is amazing if you ask me"
"Oh yeah brother, I will tell you the whole story later. Ok see you at the office."

The movie starts again and I feel dizzy. That girl is still on my mind. I can sense the signals and most often my intuition is right. My girl is saying something to me but I'm not able to hear it due to loud sound of the movie, I just nod my head.

"Baby you look so beautiful while watching the movie" , she doesn't seem to hear it. I again look at all the people sitting in front of me the boy sitting in the front row is now kissing the lady I thought to be his mother. That's too much for me.

I grab her hand and put it on top of my zip. She doesn't understand at first but soon she comprehends. And she tries to pull her hand back, but I don't allow her to.  I pull it out of my pants and place it in her hand. She looks it me totally flummoxed and speechless. "Just do it slowly", " What? ... NO "

I guide her hand slowly over my organ, make her hold it and move it up and down. She is hardly interested in doing this. But she keeps doing it. After some time I leave her hand and she continues while watching movie. "Its so huge, when will it be done?" "Soon enough, hold it from the bottom and go till the top" "That's what I'm doing."

You go into a zone, a pleasurable zone where nothing can hurt you but only make you excited. Its relaxing, like putting aching feet in hot water, or changing into your comfortable clothes. Your breath rate, heart rate increases and sometimes you shiver too, and become thoughtless in the end.

So we leave for the door. And she puts her arm around my arm leaning a bit on my shoulder. It's chilly outside and I'm feeling satisfied. Few bikers go past us, staring at my girl and passing some lewd comments. I stand there saying nothing to them, and she looks at me expecting that I would do something in revolt. But I don't.

We take a cab and move towards our home. She doesn't talk to me during whole of the journey and keeps on looking outside the window. I fall asleep on the backseat while listening to the radio.


*** This is the 2nd part of a multi-post series. For other parts of the story please explore the Blog. ***

Lecher - I

I am a lecher. A lecherous man. A man who can’t control himself, a man whose devils have killed his angels. Is it biological, psychological, sociological, anthropological? Or is it not? Either way doesn't make a difference. I can’t live without it. I’m an addict I guess, that’s how they define people like us. But why did this happen? How did I get onto this path? Where is it leading? I don’t know. All I care about is finding something new, something untouched something that can be reveled upon and then ripped apart like a new set of gifts into glistering pieces. I decide to stop at many points but this comes up again like a ball that is forced down a pool. What is that I need, what is my cure? I don’t know maybe I’m cursed to live in this fire forever, maybe to die in this.

                                                                                *

She’s with me on my bed. I see her breasts move up and down while she’s riding on top of my abdomen. They are not too big but they look like smooth hills with brown bulges at the top. I caress them gently and roll my fingers on the nipples. They become red, warm. She closes her eyes tightly while moving her head sideways and upwards, in a slow motion. I can see that her body is so white as milk with small black moles which seem like planted on purpose to make it more artistic. With slender arms which are on my shoulders, she moves her body slowly up and down, as if starting a fire in my vital parts. I hold her tightly from her waist and I know I will make deep impressions on her skin but I don’t care. I want her to take me as much inside of her as possible and then some more. I want to travel inside and get completely entrenched in the shell of her body.

I force her to get on all fours, and she obeys like a scared bitch. The long black hair hanging from her shoulders, make her look like a mare. Her behinds are so full of flesh like overfilled cushions only much softer, demanding attention. I pat them with my hand and they produce a crack sound. She looks towards me from the corner of her eyes, crying for sympathy but I know she wants more and she can’t wait for it. I hold both the butt-cheeks with my hands and part them to reveal her priced oversexed pussy. I take my finger and keep moving it along the surface of the pussy, as if testing it like a doctor. I feel every nearby area but never enter the cave. She can’t hold it any longer I know, her time bomb is ticking.

The wait is getting harder, my mind is getting heavier, and our hearts are beating faster.I pull her hair towards myself as I enter her from behind, with a jerk. Like a master I am commanding her when to stop and when to go start. She’s my slave. I put my hand into her mouth and ask her to bite and she bites as hard as an obedient dog bites on a bone. She keeps on biting until I’m forced to take my hand out oozing with pain and slap her face. She doesn't say anything. My whole body is trembling with joy and pleasure; small drops of my sweat fall on her hourglass shaped waist with accumulating on the bone running through its middle. I scratch the surface of her back as if it is my last hope of survival and I’m falling down a cliff, drops of blood appear. The rhythmic moaning continues incessantly until I fall on her back, tired after infusing her with my fluid, feeling little lighter, warmer, and wet.

                                                                                  *

She’s looking at me. No she isn't. Of course she is staring. Oh I love that. I love dusky girls with minimal makeup, black hair and shinning nose rings. This is the type I like the most. My penchant. I order 60ml Johnnie Walker whiskey on the rocks. I always like it on the rocks, when it has a strong flavor. Water erodes its taste and smell and I can’t tolerate that. I wonder what normal people think when they come to a bar. I can think of only one thing. Everyone has a life; everyone has a job and hobbies, hopes and dreams. I have only one.

I can see her pointed nipples. Maybe she’s not wearing a bra or it’s something else. They have come out after hearing a signal. She’s wearing a black top which is made up of a thin transparent cloth. Sometimes she bends a little down to listen to her friends in the crowded noisy atmosphere and I can see what she is made up of. How to devour her I know quite well and I can sense she can feel my presence. She seems fresh like a moist leaf in the morning. I’m sure when I will unpack her she’ll say continuously stop me and simultaneously help me to take her clothes off by rising her hands. Her treasure will be untouched and pious, and the perfect sacrament for my gods.

She’s smiling way too often trying to tell me something but can’t in the presence of her friends. Being drunk off course, she knows where to look. I am staring in her bottomless eyes with concentration of a black tiger not moving even a bit, not leaving any trace. My legs are folded above each other in a silly manner like a snake rolled around a tree in quite desperation.I get up to pay the bill and start to move towards her. She’s not looking towards me but I can’t look anywhere else. I’m about to reach her and she startlingly moves her head above, towards me. I take her head firmly into my hands and bend down to kiss her lips. Time moves a bit slower than usual.

Just as I’m about to touch them I feel a strong push on my ribs and I fall on the floor. It seems like a dream, with lights too heavy and the ruckus too loud to comprehend anything. I forget where I am.

--- to be continued ---

Shit Entrepreneurs say

1. So they raised funding, we will also raise soon, after our product gets 13545 downloads
2. There is no Market man, otherwise we would have been millionaires
3. We are artists man, we don't care about money
4. I'm going for higher studies, I always wanted to be a scientist
5. My foreigner friend is ready to invest in our startup ** friend goes invisible **
6. I don't feel hungry man ** slowly picks food from other's plate **
7. I like KF strong the best, budd chadti nahi yaar
8. My college crush said "hi CEO ;)" to me
9. Man, I want to change the world ** logs into facebook **
10. A VC said that our product is very interesting ** sends linkedin request **
11. This will work man, this will definitely work
12. I knew this won't ever work
13. Feel aa rahi hai yaar
14. It has been a great learning experience
15. What we are making is world changing ** goes into the loo  **
16. Only problem is that nobody is investing in us, otherwise ...
17. We work even during weekends man, weekdays we can relax a bit
18. We work hard during weekdays man, weekends we can relax a bit
19. I want to make a movie on our life
20. I'm writing a book about our lives
21. Oye, they raised another ....efefrfrrfckk...

It Rained Love.

It won't go away. The memories are forever and they will keep on haunting you, hurting you.
Things could have been better, different but they aren't. Many reasons you can give why things
aren't like the way you wanted them but are those reasons any good? It's not a theoretical debate
going on here..it's your fucking life. And you can't lie to yourself.

I think a lot. A lot why two people are different and why they are same. We all can understand each
other with varying degrees of perception. This is magical knowing that our brains are so differently
wired, so many permutations and combinations are possible.Still we can feel the same pain and see
the beauty in the same way in same things .

Time goes on and things keep on changing but people... they remain the same thinking that they
have changed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I receive a call from an unknown but familiar number.
“Hey how are you? ...I was in the city..came from the same route as I used to come. Reminded me
of a lot of old things..Thought at least I should call give you a call”
“Great..Ha ha !! I remember everything quite distinctly every place we went to every bench we
have sat upon ..but ..”
“So I'm here with my friends at Brigade road, can you come ?”
“ Why? .. You want me to meet your new boyfriend?”
“No..”
“ Then?”
“ It's up to you I'm not forcing!”
“Just kidding, of course I can..but I can't stay for long, just 30 minutes? Would it be fine?”
“ Suit yourself, it's OK even if you don't come”
“I am coming only because you called me...”
“ Ok great..don't come ..bye”
Call disconnected.
I dial back after a gap of 5 minutes, just not to seem desperate.
“What happened , I was just kidding”
“So?”
“Where should I come and when and are you alone?”
“See you are coming only because you want to meet me, not because I asked you to come.”
“OK”
“ I'm near Brigade Road just come there and call me , come around 6:30”
“ OK..I think I can make it”
“Hope to see you!!”

Standing in my apartment's balcony, I light a cigarette and take a deep puff. I see birds flying
randomly in the foreground of a setting orange sun trying to make their way home. I calculate that it
was about 2 years, 5 months and 3 days since I last met her. Many things must have changed during
this time, I feel grown up little more in several aspects. From talking for 5 hours every day to
talking once in a year was a quite drastic change and some days I didn't even think about it. But I
knew I had to go, no other option existed.

I had to meet her to see all the changes in her. Has she grown fatter, fairer? Does she still have the
same loud style of laughing or she has become little sophisticated? does she still have the fruity
odour; are the pimples on her face gone away or are they still there adding to her charm. Has she
become too mature, boring or is she still crazy about politics and e-commerce websites. Is she still a
fan of South India food or her taste buds have changed with time. Lot of questions I had to ask and
the time had come.

I started my bike with multitude of thoughts racing through my head. What if she doesn't like my
new look, I do have become little withered out and old, with thin shoulders and smaller waist. Few
of my hair have turned grey, and my beard is overgrown. I just hoped that she's not able to figure
this out. My shirt had lots of folds as it wasn't ironed properly. I tried hard removing them but
couldn't then left I was getting late.

Cool breeze was blowing through my hair as I was cruising along the road. I stop at a traffic signal.
Amidst numerous dust particles, beggars and horns from millions of car on the road my attention
was focused on only single thought. Every second a thought about how she will feel when she will
look at me was hitting my head. My heart was racing lightening fast.

My cell rings
“Where are you?”
“Just to about reach ..coming coming,, can you come down a little ?”
“I am already at the end of the road”
“Alright 5 mins I will be there”
“You are always late. ..”
The traffic signal turns green.

Finally
I see a girl in white , looking confused , waiting for someone. I am sure that is her, but I am stuck in
traffic not able to reach her. I call her ,
“See on your left, I am on a bike wearing blue helmet I am waving my hand”
“Where ? Where? I can't see you..come fast!”
“I can see you ..you look”
“Where Oh ….”
“What's with the broad spectacles? You copied my style!', she shouts.
'No..when did you have these?', I reply.
'They should be little thinner.'
'You have grown fatter..but you are looking sexy! '
'Oh yeah I know need to reduce a lot, have already started going for morning runs'
'So where should we go? '
'I don't know some place good.'
'That's a good plan '
I start the bike and keep going forward with the flow of traffic. No destination was in my mind but I
knew we will end up in some place good. Waiting at a signal I see the huge U.B City towers and
asked her if she wanted to go Biere Pub.
'No, I have plans of drinking with my friends',
'Only one pint we'll drink. Just for the old times sake'
'No I don't think it's a good idea. '
'Yeah ..but bad ideas are more fun! Anyway if you don't want..',
'Ok let's go..but I will have only one glass and then I will leave'
'Sure..'

The pub was crowded as I had expected, so we had to sit at the bar counter. Actually it's fun to sit
there with waiter filling your glass automatically every time you look to the other side. It felt cosy
inside, sitting with so many people who are sipping on beverages and talking about all there is to
talk about and more. I kept looking at her trying to find something that I didn't even know.
She starts, “You can do whatever you want to do, there's no restriction at all. People celebrate their
honeymoons there.”

“Oh really but it's too late now..I mean most of the people come there after doing jobs and all so it's
not a big thing. I think some are even married.”
“Yeah but most of my friends broke up with their long distance boy friends and have made new
partners at the college..It's hard to control yourself in such an atmosphere”
“What about you?” I asked, feeling little scared.
“Haha I got myself one too. He's sweet and innocent . And wants to marry me”
“So ..you going for it?”
“No of course not. Maybe I would have If he hadn't been a Christian also …”
“Oh come on I tried to persuade you for marriage for so long and I'm not a Christian”
“Haha plus he's not good at it”
“Oh......haha so you have done with him too.. Oh my god..”
“What is so surprising about it? Boys can do whatever they want but girls can't. It's not that I have
cheated someone by double dating at least I'm not a hypocrite”
“It's not about cheating ..but.., I thought girls only do it when they are in love and boys do it
whenever they can..”
“Pure bullshit”
“So you liked it”
“Yes but not that much.”
“So was I better? Really” . I say excitedly.
“Yeah better than him but not better than the other guy is was with in Pune. He was best. He was a
monster.”
“Come on he was 40 years old with so much of experience I don't think I can compete with him he
must have been inside many different geographies”
“Once we did 12 times a day, 12 times and he could hold it as long as I wanted”
“That guy had some physical problem I would say, 12 times isn't humanly possible. He was sick for
sure”
“Hehe and darling your 12 seconds a day isn't also physically fit also”
“Oh come on..I can last longer now”
“hahahaa”, we laugh out loud together. People give us strange looks.

She takes a deep sip of the beer and gives me a seductive look. I was sure that it didn't mean
anything but I wished she did. I was looking at her trying to find out the changes in her but I
couldn't she seemed absolutely same to me as she was 2 years ago. Her sweet smile, her hair, her
broad lips, her brown eyes, her sparkling teeth, he fluffy cheeks, her pimples everything was same
just as the way it was when I left. Like she has been untouched all this time or maybe I got into a
time wrap and travelled to the past. But the thing is even if she had totally changed still would want
her as much as I wanted her now.
“So you find any changes in me?” I asked.
“Yes you have become little thinner and I don't know bit boring..”
“Oh really. I have my way”
“Yes you always had.”
“You know one day I was sitting in the bus and I looked at my phone. There was no message or
call. I felt calm. “
“So you weren't happy when I used to call you every day?”, she cries.
“I am so glad that we separated”
“Yes I know otherwise we would done that after marriage and that would have been disastrous. But
you know I don't feel bored with you as I feel with other guys” She added,
“Haha..yeah all the time we are fighting so much maybe that's why. You always think that you are
right when you are never.”
“Darrling I am most of the times right. And you think that you know everything when in reality you
have just seen few crappy movies and read a few shitty books and know nothing about real life.”
“I have seen enough ma'am. I have been through ups and downs” I retort.
“Yes you have..here we go again”
“So how long now since your mother's ..?”
“WHY?”
I could see tears in her eyes.
“You just fuck off. Why the hell you have to bring it up all the time. I know she's gone and she can't
come back and I know that. I never even look at her pictures, but why do you have to bring it up??”
“I am sorry. I thought you would feel better, hate my poor social skills. I'm really sorry dear didn't
mean to hurt you ..really”
“I feel very bad for dad, he's all alone. Me and my brother will get married and have a happy life.
But dad ..I feel very sad for him”
“You can always live with him after marriage”
“Yes I will. I will never leave him. He is so cute. I love him.” she said with tears dripping down.
“I also felt the pain when it all happened. I cried also. But the point is nothing you can do about it.
Some things are not in our control.”, I said feeling wetness in my eyes.
“Please don't give me such fake advice. I know what to do.”
“I'm just trying to help you.”
“But you are not helping”
“Ok. You know everything. You have the strength”
“Yeah when something like this happens you automatically get the strength to deal with this”
“Ok can we please change the topic I'm sorry I brought it up”

We say nothing for 5 minutes.

We talk about some old friends and what they were doing with their lives. Shreya had broken up
with the guy every one used to think of as an angel, after she caught him with a girl in his house.
Ananya was dating her boss. And Shaumya's dad had an heart attack. Vishank had moved to Canada
for higher studies and sometimes in the night he pinged her on Facebook and tried to flirt with her.
“So that's it. 8:00 pm on the clock I have to leave” I start to leave
“Oh...so soon .please stay for little more, even I will leave in 15 mins”, she says.
“Sorry I can't . My friend is waiting for me at a place. I have to meet him”
“OK fine if that's what you want. But please give me a hug before you go”
I hug her tightly. I hold her trembling body and feel her warm breath on my shoulder. I can feel her
soft breasts on my chest but I don't feel anything erotic about it. I look at her face and see that her
eyes are closed , she whispers 'Thanks for coming'.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I wave goodbye and move towards the door. I glance back at her and see that she was looking at me
and then she blows a kiss. I smile and return the kiss back to her. I feel calm.
As I reach outside of the restaurant I see a lot of people stranded as it had been raining heavily.
Whole of the street is filled with rainwater with numerous papers floating in it. Bangalore has
turned into one of those island cities that are separated by canals and linked by bridges. Many
vehicles are stuck in the clogged waters and people with their trousers folded up and
handkerchiefs on their head are trying to cross the waters. Though I never go out in the rain but
that day I felt like drenching in the rain. Not thinking too much I go out in the pouring rain. The rain
is smooth, cold and it is therapeutic, it is all that I ever needed, wanted. I realize that it is
the thing that was missing from my life. It made me complete. I can't say anything more but these
lines from Happy Rhodes about how I felt that day.

When the rain came down — I was standing in the green

My soul was touched by every tree that my eyes could see

I am in peace, in love, in harmony — when the rain comes

down

When the rain came down — melded with my tears

When the rain came down — flow away the fears

When the rain came down — bigger than the sea

When the rain came down — then came me.