A Letter from the Heart.

Dearest Annie,

Warmest wishes on your birthday, hope you have a very happy time with family and friends (though I know it’s a Monday), eat a lot of chocolates; get an abounding number of dainty gifts, and above all lots of love.

It’s true that I haven’t known you for a very long but still I have been fortunately charmed by you in all the positive ways. You are a veritable assortment of aesthetics and semantics of life. You are a solacing prayer that is perfectly pure, consecrated, and divine and has absolutely nothing sinister about it. You are one of the few people on this earth who completely epitomise the meaning of their names by their idiosyncrasies and demeanour. Like the mellifluent sound of the mystical enchantments or maybe silence of it you can uplift anyone’s soul and make him break free from the self-imposed preposterous shackles of time and space into a trance and find a meaning…

This is YOU Annie this is the LIFE…

It all started on a very bright day, around noon in the October of 2010. A coy, innocent (at least it seemed so) overly conscious girl was sitting beside me sipping coffee. Her eyes were the most beautiful I had ever seen and she knew it for very seldom did she make eye contact with me. I could almost feel that there was something special about this girl and I wasn’t wrong. I mean she had that air of dignity, the high class queens and princesses used to have in the Victorian era. Her exquisite dress, white top with small black dots and skin tight jeans certainly emanated the exuberance of modern Indian splendour. I glanced at the bare skin of her arm and it was nothing less charismatic than the purest pearls found a thousand leagues under the sea. That sophistication, the mannerisms made me realise that how privileged I should feel to be in her company. She on the other hand, just smiled and nodded at the very stupid jokes (which I thought were clever) I cracked. She had that unprecedented enigma, that great respect about herself which is very rare to find. You could just be in her proximity and you will start feeling good about yourself, you wouldn’t need anything else, I mean she was perfection personified.

Out of all the places in the vivaciously lively city we went to a temple. Initially I was very annoyed for choosing such an irksome place to share some moments, but then her wish was my command, and I had no regrets for that. She went inside each of the multiple temples and I followed her like a dog follows his master. I didn’t know what was she thinking or wishing but I really wished I knew. Finally after all the wishes were made, we sat on the stairs that went into the holy River. She was sitting so near me that I was trembling from inside and at the same time feeling utterly happy. Then she or maybe I suggested putting our feet in the water of the river, I think it was me because I am always trying to wash my sins away. Sitting there we hardly spoke anything to each other; it was the sight of the empty sky, few scattered various sized black and white stones, the infinite river, the cold soothing breeze and the music of the wind that said everything we wanted to say to each other. Small fishes kept touching our feet and she was very frightened with every touch. Taking a long breathe and told her she shouldn’t be afraid for she’s also like a pretty fish, she smiled on hearing this and I lost a heartbeat there.

During the middle of July’11, once I had the chance to visit some mysterious caves located on the outskirts of the City with her. Again a shiny day it was and the skies were clear azure blues with certain patches of whites in them. The wind was flowing through her hair while she drove the car and I thought to myself that it doesn’t get lovelier than this. I kept glancing at her, felt so lucky to be with her and couldn’t believe that it was happening in real time. She had that perfect temperament and confidence to do anything whilst keeping you entertained. Parking our car in some non-parking zone we untied our shoes to enter the holy dark caves.

I knew she will hold my hand as we would enter the cave for she was quite afraid of the dark and she did. Into the cave of our dreams we entered with our eyes open and hands in hand tightly snugged together like pieces of a puzzle. Cold and small streams of natural water were flowing underneath our feet, and sometimes dripping above our heads. We couldn’t see or feel any one near us or far off. Like we were the last two people left on the planet. There couldn’t have been any perfect moment, so slowly I pulled her towards me with my back supported by the slightly wet rough wall of the cave. I looked into her unfathomable black eyes hugged her tightly, felt complete and drank the elixir from her tender angelic lips. In the background I could hear the faint sound of bells at the temple ringing incessantly.

As soon as we came out of the cave the sky had turned dark black and it had started drizzling. The wind was also blowing heavily and the waves in a river nearby were gushing. We moved towards a bench near the river tearing away the resistance of the wind. We sat down and the drops of water produced by the splashing of the river against its banks kept on falling on our faces. I wiped the water droplets from her face with my quivering hands and I could see in her face the calmness and satisfaction that can make you forget everything else in the world. She took my head and put it on her shoulder and I could smell the scent of her Elysian skin, feel the smoothness of her slender neck and then… I could peacefully close my eyes. The rain started to pour down heavily.

Like every fairy tale this one also had to end but not in a happy way. Last time I met her in Jan’12 and we drank coffee again. Coffee was mostly the same but it was a bit bitterer. The weather was dry, the birds were shrieking and the traffic outside was too bothering. She said she couldn’t meet me any longer and I couldn’t think of any way to convince her though I really wanted to. She didn’t shed a tear and neither did I but yes I could feel that melancholic fluid running through my veins and in it my heart sank like a lost broken ship.

Though I still have many ‘could have beens, ifs, buts’ but I guess I have to accept that not every man is that lucky. I got no one else to blame but myself, blinded and fooled by jealousy, greed and romantic avarice. Always being a collector of beginnings, living life as a way for seduction I finally agree to what Tolstoy says, if a man can love only one woman through the core of the existence he can understand a lot more about female nature than he can by loving hundreds of women.

On this auspicious day dear I want to thank you for all you did for me and more. And I apologise for the pain I have put you through, I know nothing can justify it and nothing can take it away. I just wanted to let you know that you have given me the best moments of my life and I will remain indebted to you till the day I die. Please accept this letter as a small return gift. I wish a very Happy Birthday to You.

Love Always, 

N