It Rained Love.

It won't go away. The memories are forever and they will keep on haunting you, hurting you.
Things could have been better, different but they aren't. Many reasons you can give why things
aren't like the way you wanted them but are those reasons any good? It's not a theoretical debate
going on here..it's your fucking life. And you can't lie to yourself.

I think a lot. A lot why two people are different and why they are same. We all can understand each
other with varying degrees of perception. This is magical knowing that our brains are so differently
wired, so many permutations and combinations are possible.Still we can feel the same pain and see
the beauty in the same way in same things .

Time goes on and things keep on changing but people... they remain the same thinking that they
have changed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I receive a call from an unknown but familiar number.
“Hey how are you? ...I was in the city..came from the same route as I used to come. Reminded me
of a lot of old things..Thought at least I should call give you a call”
“Great..Ha ha !! I remember everything quite distinctly every place we went to every bench we
have sat upon ..but ..”
“So I'm here with my friends at Brigade road, can you come ?”
“ Why? .. You want me to meet your new boyfriend?”
“No..”
“ Then?”
“ It's up to you I'm not forcing!”
“Just kidding, of course I can..but I can't stay for long, just 30 minutes? Would it be fine?”
“ Suit yourself, it's OK even if you don't come”
“I am coming only because you called me...”
“ Ok great..don't come ..bye”
Call disconnected.
I dial back after a gap of 5 minutes, just not to seem desperate.
“What happened , I was just kidding”
“So?”
“Where should I come and when and are you alone?”
“See you are coming only because you want to meet me, not because I asked you to come.”
“OK”
“ I'm near Brigade Road just come there and call me , come around 6:30”
“ OK..I think I can make it”
“Hope to see you!!”

Standing in my apartment's balcony, I light a cigarette and take a deep puff. I see birds flying
randomly in the foreground of a setting orange sun trying to make their way home. I calculate that it
was about 2 years, 5 months and 3 days since I last met her. Many things must have changed during
this time, I feel grown up little more in several aspects. From talking for 5 hours every day to
talking once in a year was a quite drastic change and some days I didn't even think about it. But I
knew I had to go, no other option existed.

I had to meet her to see all the changes in her. Has she grown fatter, fairer? Does she still have the
same loud style of laughing or she has become little sophisticated? does she still have the fruity
odour; are the pimples on her face gone away or are they still there adding to her charm. Has she
become too mature, boring or is she still crazy about politics and e-commerce websites. Is she still a
fan of South India food or her taste buds have changed with time. Lot of questions I had to ask and
the time had come.

I started my bike with multitude of thoughts racing through my head. What if she doesn't like my
new look, I do have become little withered out and old, with thin shoulders and smaller waist. Few
of my hair have turned grey, and my beard is overgrown. I just hoped that she's not able to figure
this out. My shirt had lots of folds as it wasn't ironed properly. I tried hard removing them but
couldn't then left I was getting late.

Cool breeze was blowing through my hair as I was cruising along the road. I stop at a traffic signal.
Amidst numerous dust particles, beggars and horns from millions of car on the road my attention
was focused on only single thought. Every second a thought about how she will feel when she will
look at me was hitting my head. My heart was racing lightening fast.

My cell rings
“Where are you?”
“Just to about reach ..coming coming,, can you come down a little ?”
“I am already at the end of the road”
“Alright 5 mins I will be there”
“You are always late. ..”
The traffic signal turns green.

Finally
I see a girl in white , looking confused , waiting for someone. I am sure that is her, but I am stuck in
traffic not able to reach her. I call her ,
“See on your left, I am on a bike wearing blue helmet I am waving my hand”
“Where ? Where? I can't see you..come fast!”
“I can see you ..you look”
“Where Oh ….”
“What's with the broad spectacles? You copied my style!', she shouts.
'No..when did you have these?', I reply.
'They should be little thinner.'
'You have grown fatter..but you are looking sexy! '
'Oh yeah I know need to reduce a lot, have already started going for morning runs'
'So where should we go? '
'I don't know some place good.'
'That's a good plan '
I start the bike and keep going forward with the flow of traffic. No destination was in my mind but I
knew we will end up in some place good. Waiting at a signal I see the huge U.B City towers and
asked her if she wanted to go Biere Pub.
'No, I have plans of drinking with my friends',
'Only one pint we'll drink. Just for the old times sake'
'No I don't think it's a good idea. '
'Yeah ..but bad ideas are more fun! Anyway if you don't want..',
'Ok let's go..but I will have only one glass and then I will leave'
'Sure..'

The pub was crowded as I had expected, so we had to sit at the bar counter. Actually it's fun to sit
there with waiter filling your glass automatically every time you look to the other side. It felt cosy
inside, sitting with so many people who are sipping on beverages and talking about all there is to
talk about and more. I kept looking at her trying to find something that I didn't even know.
She starts, “You can do whatever you want to do, there's no restriction at all. People celebrate their
honeymoons there.”

“Oh really but it's too late now..I mean most of the people come there after doing jobs and all so it's
not a big thing. I think some are even married.”
“Yeah but most of my friends broke up with their long distance boy friends and have made new
partners at the college..It's hard to control yourself in such an atmosphere”
“What about you?” I asked, feeling little scared.
“Haha I got myself one too. He's sweet and innocent . And wants to marry me”
“So ..you going for it?”
“No of course not. Maybe I would have If he hadn't been a Christian also …”
“Oh come on I tried to persuade you for marriage for so long and I'm not a Christian”
“Haha plus he's not good at it”
“Oh......haha so you have done with him too.. Oh my god..”
“What is so surprising about it? Boys can do whatever they want but girls can't. It's not that I have
cheated someone by double dating at least I'm not a hypocrite”
“It's not about cheating ..but.., I thought girls only do it when they are in love and boys do it
whenever they can..”
“Pure bullshit”
“So you liked it”
“Yes but not that much.”
“So was I better? Really” . I say excitedly.
“Yeah better than him but not better than the other guy is was with in Pune. He was best. He was a
monster.”
“Come on he was 40 years old with so much of experience I don't think I can compete with him he
must have been inside many different geographies”
“Once we did 12 times a day, 12 times and he could hold it as long as I wanted”
“That guy had some physical problem I would say, 12 times isn't humanly possible. He was sick for
sure”
“Hehe and darling your 12 seconds a day isn't also physically fit also”
“Oh come on..I can last longer now”
“hahahaa”, we laugh out loud together. People give us strange looks.

She takes a deep sip of the beer and gives me a seductive look. I was sure that it didn't mean
anything but I wished she did. I was looking at her trying to find out the changes in her but I
couldn't she seemed absolutely same to me as she was 2 years ago. Her sweet smile, her hair, her
broad lips, her brown eyes, her sparkling teeth, he fluffy cheeks, her pimples everything was same
just as the way it was when I left. Like she has been untouched all this time or maybe I got into a
time wrap and travelled to the past. But the thing is even if she had totally changed still would want
her as much as I wanted her now.
“So you find any changes in me?” I asked.
“Yes you have become little thinner and I don't know bit boring..”
“Oh really. I have my way”
“Yes you always had.”
“You know one day I was sitting in the bus and I looked at my phone. There was no message or
call. I felt calm. “
“So you weren't happy when I used to call you every day?”, she cries.
“I am so glad that we separated”
“Yes I know otherwise we would done that after marriage and that would have been disastrous. But
you know I don't feel bored with you as I feel with other guys” She added,
“Haha..yeah all the time we are fighting so much maybe that's why. You always think that you are
right when you are never.”
“Darrling I am most of the times right. And you think that you know everything when in reality you
have just seen few crappy movies and read a few shitty books and know nothing about real life.”
“I have seen enough ma'am. I have been through ups and downs” I retort.
“Yes you have..here we go again”
“So how long now since your mother's ..?”
“WHY?”
I could see tears in her eyes.
“You just fuck off. Why the hell you have to bring it up all the time. I know she's gone and she can't
come back and I know that. I never even look at her pictures, but why do you have to bring it up??”
“I am sorry. I thought you would feel better, hate my poor social skills. I'm really sorry dear didn't
mean to hurt you ..really”
“I feel very bad for dad, he's all alone. Me and my brother will get married and have a happy life.
But dad ..I feel very sad for him”
“You can always live with him after marriage”
“Yes I will. I will never leave him. He is so cute. I love him.” she said with tears dripping down.
“I also felt the pain when it all happened. I cried also. But the point is nothing you can do about it.
Some things are not in our control.”, I said feeling wetness in my eyes.
“Please don't give me such fake advice. I know what to do.”
“I'm just trying to help you.”
“But you are not helping”
“Ok. You know everything. You have the strength”
“Yeah when something like this happens you automatically get the strength to deal with this”
“Ok can we please change the topic I'm sorry I brought it up”

We say nothing for 5 minutes.

We talk about some old friends and what they were doing with their lives. Shreya had broken up
with the guy every one used to think of as an angel, after she caught him with a girl in his house.
Ananya was dating her boss. And Shaumya's dad had an heart attack. Vishank had moved to Canada
for higher studies and sometimes in the night he pinged her on Facebook and tried to flirt with her.
“So that's it. 8:00 pm on the clock I have to leave” I start to leave
“Oh...so soon .please stay for little more, even I will leave in 15 mins”, she says.
“Sorry I can't . My friend is waiting for me at a place. I have to meet him”
“OK fine if that's what you want. But please give me a hug before you go”
I hug her tightly. I hold her trembling body and feel her warm breath on my shoulder. I can feel her
soft breasts on my chest but I don't feel anything erotic about it. I look at her face and see that her
eyes are closed , she whispers 'Thanks for coming'.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I wave goodbye and move towards the door. I glance back at her and see that she was looking at me
and then she blows a kiss. I smile and return the kiss back to her. I feel calm.
As I reach outside of the restaurant I see a lot of people stranded as it had been raining heavily.
Whole of the street is filled with rainwater with numerous papers floating in it. Bangalore has
turned into one of those island cities that are separated by canals and linked by bridges. Many
vehicles are stuck in the clogged waters and people with their trousers folded up and
handkerchiefs on their head are trying to cross the waters. Though I never go out in the rain but
that day I felt like drenching in the rain. Not thinking too much I go out in the pouring rain. The rain
is smooth, cold and it is therapeutic, it is all that I ever needed, wanted. I realize that it is
the thing that was missing from my life. It made me complete. I can't say anything more but these
lines from Happy Rhodes about how I felt that day.

When the rain came down — I was standing in the green

My soul was touched by every tree that my eyes could see

I am in peace, in love, in harmony — when the rain comes

down

When the rain came down — melded with my tears

When the rain came down — flow away the fears

When the rain came down — bigger than the sea

When the rain came down — then came me.

Love Matters

It was done. It had killed me, just killed me. Life had no meaning, absolutely no meaning, 

mind-numbing  strange  anxiety  juxtaposed  with  racing  incoherent  thoughts.  Nothing  could 

give  me  peace,  and  that  was  the  way  it  was,  and  it  was  to  remain  like  that  forever.  I  was 

helpless, downtrodden, nomadic, clueless, soulless wanderer searching for a meaning, if there 

was one. Maybe the time was not right, maybe I had to learn much more, may be it was all a 

dream. But it was really a bad, a real bad one. 

I mean life doesn't stop for god's sake,  you have to fight against the strong waves moving 

forwards  or  backwards  or  sideways.  And  so  my  life  was  sifting  through  the  valley  of 

nonsense on the back of a motionless train halted at a station due to  broken track.  Everything 

else was flowing so fast, it was hard to  hold onto even the most precious things in life let 

alone the rotten junk, and beautiful shit you have accumulated during the golden years. But 

that was the way it was and nothing I could do about it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Get  ready,  will  pick  you  up  at  5"  said  S,  "Yeah,  sure"  I  retorted.  We  were  going  to  the

marriage ceremony of  a friend of a friend of my friend  who lived some 200 miles away from

our place. Seemed like an inception of friendship. But I was eager, god damn dying to get out

of my apartment. So we marched on, but my mom as usual was suspicious about my trip,

"Koi ladkiyon ke saath picnic to nahi manane ja rahe?" as if I would have told her even if I

was. I so wished I was going with girls  to  some  hill station, but that was not the case, I had

signed up for a gay time.

Amazing lush green fields with huge trees along the borders  and sporadic scare-crows were

visible through the small window of our moving super deluxe coach. We were slowly going

towards  our  nameless  destination,  with  strong  wind  striking  our  faces,  talking  to  us.

Sometimes  when  you  see  such  a  view  after  a  long  time  you  feel  relaxed,  I  mean  you  can

breathe  again,  freely.  Going  nowhere  you  are,  you  know  that,  but  it  calms  your  mind  and

soul, it's therapeutic.

"Why you want to do that man, what's the point?" asked S when I told him that a guy from

my college was on a cycle tour from the bottom of the country, Kerala to Ladakh. I also want

to do that, or at least I think it will be  incredible. Meeting new people, talking to them, living

with them, seeing different facets of humanity, the hell-hole of traditions, it will be something

interesting in many ways. "What's the point of anything anyway, it's all ABSURD" I replied

and closed my eyes.

Finally our stop came and we got down from the bus. It was totally dark with very warm and

humid feeling.

"First class rickshaw sarkar, kahan jana hai, sawaari taiyaar hai’; "Sir chalo main le chalta 

hu, jaldi baitho" like ants near a spilled chunk of sugar, auto-wallas surrounded us, snatched

our bags, and pushed us in their auto. "Yeah V, we have  reached, meet us at the bus-stand" S

told  his  friend  V  who  was  coming  to  receive  us.  The  rickshaw  was  a  vehicle  that  was

optimally designed (read indo-vation) to fit maximum number of people in a given amount of

space and that is 100 people, in one rickshaw. 4 in front, 8 in middle, 50 flying, holding tight

at the back and few sitting on the top and remaining hanging at the bottom. 'Desire is the root

cause of all misery, no desire no misery. I want to earn only as much as I can spend" spoke S,

though I agreed with him but I didn't nod I just blabbered some foolish argument in response.

Passenger sitting next to me just looked at me and I thought he was going to kill me but he

just sighed. After sometime, I saw V waiting for us and we rushed out of the rickshaw.

"You know he has made a big mistake, he has made a big fool of all of us. His parents, his

friends, relatives I mean what was the need to do all this. I am totally ashamed." Told V when

we asked him about the marriage that was going to happen. "Why parents didn't agree?"  V

told us that neither of the parental sides had agreed to the love marriage. But bride and groom

had  already  officially  tied  the  knot  in  the  court.  "S  you  won't  believe  only  4  people  came

today to the  Baraat ceremony, two of them, me and bride's pet dog Jacky."Oh man, what a

sad sight that must have been I thought. Is it all really worth to take so much trouble to attain

what  you think  you  want? "His elder brother had so many plans for his marriage, after his

own  marriage  wasn't  that  great  due  sudden  death  of  a  young  cousin  on  the  night  of  his

marriage. His brother had decided that he will spend a lot on his brother's marriage, and had

been  saving  since  ages  but  now  see  what  has  happened!  Who's  responsible  for  this?"

continued V.

Picking our bags we went in search for a place for the night stay and some food to eat. V took

us to an eating joint "N this place has the most delicious chicken, its famous in the whole of

India, all those morons who don't like non-veg food should taste a bite of the chicken these

people also make mutton …" he said in a short breath. Having my bite of the chicken, which

was juicy and surprisingly mildly spicy I glanced at the view. The city looked dull and dusty

rattling in the noisy warm night. The orange street lights were dim and the roads were totally

disrupted. Few drunken men were roaming along the road, muddy cows were munching on

garbage and sapless street dogs were barking in the shadows. It was not a place I would like

to stay in for a long time, yet V  seemed ecstatic to be here. And S, well he was bus y on his

new Samsung phone, multi-chatting on the shittiest of the apps ever made by man, what-dapp.

We entered a hotel that smelled  like stale  woolen  clothes that are kept in a closed Cupboard

for over 10 years. "Sir all rooms are filled, we only have a double delight left, should I seal

that  for  you?"  muttered  the  hotel  receptionist  in  a  thick  Punjabi  accent.  A  Double  delight

room  for  3  males  how  GAY!  But  we  had  no  choice  so  we  sealed  it.  As  we  were  going

towards  our  room we looked at the ceiling of the corridor and it was broken, with pieces of

cement or whatever dripping down like rain.

"I don't know much but the A.C works perfectly fine. Glass is there, water bowl is there, T.V

remote is here and call 212 for anything else you need. 212" informed the hotel  boy who had

come along with us. "Let's quickly open the beer cans and eat the chicken" said V. "Yes man

we are really tired need some unwinding”.

Stories mostly related to their work, their manager, work colleagues were told by S and V. I

had nothing to  do, so just sipping on  beer I listened to them and realized  how much they hate

those people. Money makes the world go round, and not everyone can quit their job. I guess

it's a luxury not a right to do what you really want to do in life. Not everyone can afford that

luxury.

"This movie has no scene yar, it's just waste of time" complained S we watched  Hawas. True

the movie wasn't vulgar at all contrary to the title but it had many funny scenes. I can't recall

when I dosed off but it must have been while watching the movie.  The  bed was soft and the

new structure of the room, broken  ceiling was a welcome change. I  hadn't slept better in a

long time.

"Come guys what are you doing, we are going to be late for the reception' screamed V and

woke me up. I looked at the  watch and  it was just 8:30 am. The AC had made the room too

cold and I was lying  on the bed curled  like a zygote in a mother's womb refusing to leave it.

"It's going to be weird we 3 plus few other guests only. I hope nobody asks N who he is   and

what was he doing here?' said S. I replied "Yeah man, I am scared but you know I don't care

anymore, my life is pretty screwed up anyway. Besides I don't think anyone will ask this"

We got ready, and started moving towards the marriage hall. I didn't  take a bath cause the

water was too cold, anyway  I hardly ever take bath two days in a row that's a lot of wastage

of time and water. Fortunately the marriage hall was on the 4th floor of the same hotel  but

there  were  no  signs  of  a  marriage  party.  I  thought  it  was  too  early  that's  why  nobody  has

come as yet, "The function begins at 12 …sharp' shouted a tall guy standing next to me. My

heart was racing fast like on the night of an exam. I was wishing that everything goes alright

for last thing I would have liked to see was an unfortunate newly-wed couple. It would be

very depressing, maybe even more than my current life I thought.

We  took  a lift  to  the  Hall.  Hall  was  completely  empty,  except  for  2  people  decorating  the

stage with flowers. The flowers were bit wrinkled,  full of  thorns  symbolizing  the state of the

marriage  ceremony. It was about 11 am now, and yet no guest had come. I had never seen

such a marriage,  filled with  vacant  chairs  and so much  quiet.  I was feeling dizzy  so forced S

&V  to  leave  the  hall  and  go  downstairs  for  a  hit.  Lighting  the  cigarette  on  a  warm  sunny

morning, with sweat dripping down your face isn't something I would like to do very often.

But at that moment that was what I desperately wanted.

Another friend of V had come, and we guys had planned to have a drink before going again

to the  marriage  hall. So we went a small underground bar, and drank and drank and drank

some more. The beer was old and tasted rotten but the nuts were fine. And you know after so

much  drinking  nothing  much  matters,  but  surprisingly  I  wasn't  that  drunk  for  I  was  still

thinking about the married couple.  V was talking about how he will move to  the  US if his

boss keeps on being an asshole. And I guess he had given up caring for his friend's  ruined

marriage  ceremony.  But I was  still  thinking  “Will somebody turn up; will the  parents  come,

their friends, and their guardians… does anybody fucking cares? Life can't be so cruel.”

After  heavy  drinking,  and  thinking  and  smoking  we  entered  the  hall  again,  crawling.  And

they  were  there…  yes  two  lovers  were  there  sitting  happily  on  a  sofa  whose  one  leg  was

temporarily  fixed  using  duct  tape  and  supported  by  a  few  cardboard.  Surrounded  by  the

flowers  they were staring into each other's eyes and  they  were totally lost. They seemed like

the happiest people on the planet, with no wants or needs. They were continuously smiling

and didn't care about who has showed up and who hasn't; they were enough for each other. It

brought a smile on my  face and I felt  so peaceful, satisfied  like  something divine  was in the

vicinity. The tranquility  you feel when you are in temple  and you hear the chiming bells, hit

me. My soul  was  re-filled  with numerous quanta of life. If there is GOD,  I  had witnessed  it

and I knew I wasn't the only one.

Love  songs  were  being  played  in  the  background,  and  they  quite  rightly  answered  every

question people were asking. Though more people than expected had come, but no one was

really  there.  To  our  surprise  the  Girl's  family  had  also  come  and  boy's  elder  brother  and

father  too.  Girl's  parents  came  on  the  stage  and  clicked  a  photo  with  her  and  went  back.

Similarly numerous other people came on stage, smiled and did the same thing. It was now

our turn to go on the stage, I was bit nervous but what the hell. I hugged the groom tightly

and handed him an envelope with money and a hand-written note in it.

Note  said:  “Wish  you  very  good  luck  for  the  coming  life.  What  you  have  done  is  an

inspiration to all the lovers of the world. Living your life in your way is the only success and

happiness anyone can achieve. May god bless you two.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Let's Dance!! Please everyone” said the groom to all of us. And next moment we were there

dancing to the beats of the latest Punjabi songs. One cute Punjabi girl who looked like the

actress  Yami Gautam was dancing too. Suddenly some  romantic number was played by the

DJ and she looked at me, and smiled... We all started dancing  gently  like a ball-room dance

and  most  couple  started  to  dance  together.  S  and  V  had  made  a  pair,  were  looking  cute.  I

believe after sometime  the cute girl  took my hand and we were dancing together, and I felt

loved  like I have never been in a long  long  time and I smiled and cried and smiled.  Slowly

the music started to fade away and I passed out in her arms…