Lecher - IV

My wife left me. She had to. I made her to. Money made her to. My constant carnal hunger made her to. And the funny thing is that I can't even remember that I was married to her. Wasn't it a nightmare ? A false memory.

"We won't have a child till you become a manager and I get promoted to Senior consultant" she would say every time I pretended of being a father who wants a child. The truth is I also didn't want any either, but had to pretend so that she doesn't feel that I'm weird. Though sometimes she kept staring at me for a long time continuously, like trying to find something lost inside my eyes.

Her friend Shweta. Well she was sweet and she was hot and she was fat. She was from Southern part of India. Like the ones you see in the movies at Xhamster. But she wasn't that easy to impress. Or maybe she just pretended not to get impressed.

"Do you want to have a drink? I'm really pissed off " Shweta calls me around 7 pm on a Wednesday evening. "I don't know Monil must be waiting for me. She told me that she will come early today" I reply, screaming inside on a potential opportunity loss.
"OK..but I think it won't take much time. We will leave in an hour. I promise" she obviously seemed pushy. And I don't think I have the power to turn down such a chance. So I agree.

You feel that energy inside yourself like you are going to get something that you have never had before. Though it's true some times but it lets you down most of the time. But every time the excitement is bubbling to the same extent irrespective of whatever happened the last time. And this time wasn't any different at all.

I won't forgot that day for many reasons both good and bad. But it did change my life to take a different course, a better course. A path I was meant to take sooner or later.

So I reach the pub. Not many people were inside it as it was just about to be 8pm. I see few couples sitting and talking about I don't know what shit. Maybe about somebody's facebook status or some photo or some guy who got married or maybe some ten-things-fuckers-say kind of posts.

Finally she came wearing black one-piece dress, kind of revealing I would say. She also wore a necklace that was quite unusual. And when I looked at her feet she wore an anklet. Well you can say that she came totally prepared for it and that's how I like it, maybe she understood my frequency though I never said a thing to her ever.

We order few drinks and nothing to eat. Who wants to eat when you can drink alcohol. Well food, it pollutes alcohol and the conversation.

"My boss is an asshole. He doesn't know shit. How dare he say such bloody things to me. I have 6 years of experience in this field. And he.. well he just fresh out of college. idiot." she started. "It's ok. You don't have to take his words so seriously. They are given instructions to be such bloodsucking monsters otherwise they will get fired." I reply trying to calm her. "Yes I know but he should have basic decency to talk to his seniors. Common manners I can expect from anyone working in such a big company. Can't I ? "

"Yes you can but not everyone is like that. There are people like that everywhere in the industry, in the government everywhere. Best thing you can do is to learn how to deal with them, identify their soft spots."

"Maybe someday I will. But you know I think I'm too weak for all this, I need a support system"

I knew where this was going.

"Why don't you get yourself a boyfriend. You can get any guy, you put your finger on"
"Hahaha.." she laughs looking into my eyes, and moving fingers through her black silky hair. I imagine her biting her lips.

"Can I tell you something? "
"Yes sure"
"Promise you won't tell it to anyone"
"Promise"
"No you will"
"No I won't"
"You are too cute. If you weren't married I would have .."
"Haha. Come on, stop being so generous. But yes thanks."
I smile and take a deep sip of JD that I had ordered. I look around the pub and see few people have come while I was busy chatting with her. I see a girl wearing a kind of white top where your shoulders are visible. I think this is one of the most magnificent dress a woman can put on.

"So no one ever proposed to you ? I can't believe it."
"Yes of course lots have proposed "
"And you have rejected all? Didn't like any one of them? High standards."
"Yes I few. Actually I am not looking for flings these days. It's about time I get married. So I am not in a mood for just waste my time"
Damn it.

"I can understand. "
"But this is a pain. Why does one have to get married. I am happy single. I earn well, I have a home and a car. Why then I have to give all away. Everyone I talk to these days is asking me when I am committing suicide. It's hard being an educated , well earning and single girl ."
"Yes that's the society for you. Parents don't understand because their times were different than ours. And we ourselves can't understand their Point. But I think it's upto us, it's our life. We have all the right to live it as we want to. As they say be the master of your ship"

It's sudden and its soft and its wet. I find myself  lip locked, in a deep French kiss. It seemed like she hadn't kissed anyone in a long time, maybe never, but then how was she such a great kisser. I slowly close my eyes, not thinking much about the people staring at me. This kiss is one the longest I have had in a long time and it was certainly much satisfying. I try gently push her away but shes strong attached to me like a newly born baby. Finally we are separated probably to due to asphyxiation.

She is totally drunk, I can see that. But that's not a reason to kiss your friend's husband. She is definitely inot me and this isn't the only milestone that she wants to achieve with me. She wants to go further and I can't stop myself in accompanying her.

"Let's go on. I think you have had a little too much. "
"No. I want to drink more. Hell I want to dance."
"Dance. There's no music to dance"

Suddenly some jazz music turns on

"But I can hear it. It's good enough to dance."
"But you are too drunk to dance It's ok you can dance in your apartment. Plus I have to leave Monil must be waiting for me"
I look at my mobile. No missed calls. Strange. She must be busy with something, maybe just tired and slept already. Strange still.

She got up and started shaking her body. What the .. . Though I was bit drunk too, but I wasn't in any mood for shenanigans. I tried to calm her down but she wouldn't stop. I had to get up and she put her arms my shoulders. And then her head near my head. It was like a movie , as suddenly everything was so fine, so resonant. So I played along and we were there slow dancing in a burning room as John Mayer would put it.

I put my arms around her waist, and guide her to the less bright corner of the pub. I think everyone was looking at us, few even cheered us. I could her singing some old tune, probably from Madonna.Her eyes are closed and she's just enjoying the music like she's has not heard music in long time. She was flowing with the music.

Gosh how do I land up in such situations. I obviously can't do anything with her. She's my wife's best friend. Well a good friend, if not best. She will tell everything to her. Yeah so I knew what I had to do, I had to control myself.

I pay the bill while holding her with my arm. She was leaning completely onto me saying something in her mother tongue now. I book a cab. It was already 11pm and I thought this was the end. I looked at my mobile 13 missed calls. All from her. My wife soon to be ex.

"I love you baby" she says as I guide her out of the cab and start to move towards her apartment. I tell her to give me the key to the door. She just turns her purse upside down. I see 100 lipsticks, combs, nail polish, hair-clips and some other shit. Somehow I manage to get the key, and open the door. I throw her on her bed and get the fuck out.

"Do you have a cigarette.?" I ask the cab driver. He offers me a full pack of cigarettes. I take a deep puff one and look at the stars. They feel like they are about to crumble. Perhaps its not the earth's sky but only mine. The street lights are flickering and making long shadows of light poles. I see dogs desperately trying to find something of value in a pile of garbage. And that's not very different from what I am doing with my life.

*** This is the 4th part of a multi-post series. For other parts of the story please explore the Blog. ***

Rape Me My Friend.

A lot of power, a lot of truth, a lot of pain, a lot of anger, a lot of shame, a lot of light, a lot of grief, a lot of sickness, a lot of ignorance, a lot of bravery, a lot of symbolism, a lot of significance.

This was what the documentary was about, except a lot more.

India, our India. The fastest developing nation, the nation with world greatest mathematical discoveries and the land of Ayurveda, yoga and land where all the gods lived and everything great that has ever existed. But the fact is that this not that place anymore. It has been annihilated by poverty, ignorance, selfishness and by the lust for money, women and power.

So why did it happen. That's the biggest question that we need to ask. And what can we do about it ?

I outrightly reject the bullshit hypothesis of girl being at the wrong place at the wrong time and reacted in the wrong way. People who think along these lines are a failure and need immediate care. Though they form a large chunk of the population. That's a big worry.

The reason lies much more deeper than that. It lies in the psyche of the criminals, psyche of the society. And I don't blame the criminals alone, its a shame for all of us, all of the people of India. When you see these acts happening everyday in front of your eyes. So think it's okay do indulge in such acts. And everyone knows that they are happening but nobody has the balls to something about it because thats how the things have been and will be like forever.

The schools are teaching, oh yes they are. Schools are everywhere. Students like the victim went to about the same school as they the murderers went to. She must have seen such brutal scenes in her neighborhood. But I think it was the attitude of the parents, her own judgment that lead to development of diametrically opposite world views of the two. While the victim moved towards the light the murderers moved towards the darkness.

Who is to be blamed for that ? Every man has a choice always. Always. It's not alcohol that makes the decisions for you, it's your values, it's your surroundings, its the people around you. The line you draw between right and wrong , is very thin and is very contextual. What is acceptable and unacceptable is in your hands and always will be, unless you are a coward like the murderers.

The blame has to be taken by all of us and equally. All those who are neglecting that such things are happening, all those who are in power to do something about this but aren't. all those who don't have enough depth in the mind to understand why this is happening, all those who are using this as an excuse to gain leadership, all those who are understanding everything but changing the channel. Everyone is equally responsible for her death and everyone has equal right to attain atonement. We made them.


Talking of Mars Missions and Nuclear development doesn't makes sense when such things are happening in your background. You just can't let us heinous crimes happen and remain content in your satisfied city life. And please don't give me the crap argument that the criminals don't represent the modern Indian society, Fact is and remains that more than 50% people of India are living in extreme poverty and ignorance.

It's a big responsibility every Indian has to take and the time has come now. 'Cause if we don't do anything about it, it will explode our society soon. There are too many weak spots in the foundation of the Indian society that need to be cemented simultaneously as we build the higher stories.'Cause we all know what happens the buildings the weak foundations. They break down like a house of cards.

Lecher -III

The train is moving. I see outside the window, pulling the curtains aside. Dim, flickering yellow lights are all over. The trees are dancing in the night bending and spreading their branches like they are very happy. I take a deep breath without thinking much. The song in my earphones suddenly becomes too loud, I press the volume down button.

A pensive flash comes. I always thought I would do something good, big with my life. Like I was made to do something astonishing, world changing, that I will put a mark on the world. But nothing like that has happened till now. And I have no hopes that it will happen in the near future.

Pure white panties. With a cute flower shaped ribbon around the elastic. And through it I see small thin hairs that aren’t shaved ever, for it’s very difficult to reach there. Brown is the color of the skin. She’s bending to take something out of her bag. She’s unaware that anybody is looking at her. I see her from behind, I feel alive.

She’s wearing black thick glasses on a pointed nose. Few passion pimples on her face make me feel that she’s on top of her libido. Like a lava about to erupt. A book she’s reading, “The Immortals of Meluha”. Sitting clearly opposite to me on the lower berth, lying with her small breasts touching the berth she seems immersed in her book. She’s wearing pink tight pajamas, which clearly make her flesh palpable. She must be studying at a college, first year, DU most probably I think to myself. I feel much tensed.

I keep looking at her, though fearing she might glance at me sometime. But she doesn’t. She just keeps staring at her boring childish book. Her Long black hair, make her look bit mysterious to me. They are shiny, and oily. Like a mystified creature calling for attention. They are like a wrong turn with sparkling lights which entices you to change direction. I know she can’t ever think that I’m thinking so much about her. She doesn’t even know that I’m here, that such people exist. She thinks world is a beautiful place.

I change my direction, and take the dirty blanket above my body in this heat. I curve like a newly born baby, trying to enclose my body in as small area as possible. I shut my eyes tightly. Darkness with sporadic never-ending waves of light is all I see. The surface of berth is rough and inhumane. The sound of the train is too heavy to bear.

I unzip my pants. I can already feel that I’m excited, no surprises. I slid the underpants down, it feels rousing. It’s thick, and solid, pointing. The veins are protruding, flowing with rush of blood. I start going into a different world, slowly. I imagine her standing naked in front of me, deeply embarrassed. She covers her bosoms with her hands and closes her legs to hide her bushes. I move them away with my hands. She bites her lips and looks in the other direction.

I’m moving very quickly now, with my chin lifted and any minute it will be done. Sometimes it feels much automated, devoid of any feelings, like a green plant in desert. Nothing comes out of it. But it’s like a mundane job, which has to be completed without any goal attached to it; it has to be finished because it makes everything else stop.

Everything comes to a momentary still, and I let everything go with a long breath. I relax and
move my hand away from the sticky mess. I fall asleep.

Final station is about to arrive. A train worker arrives and Informs that final stop is coming
soon and wakes everyone up. I wear my shoes and go towards the washroom to brush my
teeth. I see that she’s still sleeping, calmly. I feel like telling her something that I don’t even
know. I see myself in the mirror, my beard is over grown and the skin has become pale, and
eyes red. Maybe I’m suffering from more diseases than I know. I touch my nose it feels
tender with bruises on the edges. I sense my cheek bone with my fingers, and they hurt
severely. I don’t remember how.

The freshness in the toothbrush is the best thing I have felt in ages. I open the side-door of the
train. The dawn is breaking people are coming out of their houses and going for morning
walks. Birds are flying high and chirping in the misty sky. The wind is new, devoid of any
wrong doing, calling for a change, hitting against my face. I’m barely able to open my eyes
against the fast wind, but I try. Tears flow from the sides of my eyes. I can see the sun
coming out, spreading it brilliance and I sincerely hope that this day is different from the
bygones. And then I see her.


*** This is the 3rd  part of a multi-post series. For other parts of the story please explore the Blog. ***