Friday, July 31, 2015

Lecher VIII

After my wife left me I was free, again. I was alone, I was bored. I was empty. I was like a silent room where nobody has entered for years.

Two people living together is very tough. It's hard to listen to each other so much , to see other again. But you get used to it. And you stop seeing the other person, hearing the other person.

Is this is how it supposed to be? Is this is how everyone feels? It sucks man. I hope there is something more real than this, something more authentic.

Every night after office I used to watch Office on my laptop and laugh like crazy. I knew everything that happens in the office still watching that on a smaller screen made me laugh. But inside it felt so fake, like a hollow wet wooden block.

I am happy there is none to tie us together. That is to say no kid in the house. Otherwise I don't know what we would have done. I think about the people who have kids and when they separate it must be very tough for the children. The age they are in is not one of witness such cruelties of human nature . That age to be in ignorance . To be in illusion that the world is such a beautiful place to live where after every 4 months you get a break of 2 months , and you get ice-cream every Saturday while watching T.v. I wish life was like that.

That time when we went for our honeymoon. It was chilly as hell, we spent the whole night hugging each other . I could feel the smell of her skin, The small hair that covered her body like leaves of tress of cover a garden. She looked so peaceful, she looked like ice. And I was doing nothing but just witnessing her.

First morning we visited lot of temples and went for rock climbing. She led me to different places and I followed her because that's what you do when you are in love. The relationship was building, but it did feel like there was something broken. Something weak beneath the surface. Something I can't penetrate. Something that separated our souls and something that can't be broken.

Maybe we were just different, but that covering never dissolved and the formalities never ended. I am a person who wants to explain everything in words, in better words. To make it emotional to make very romantic, like an old letter. But she didn't care about such things. She was lost somewhere else. Somewhere I couldn't ever reach . As a song says, "There were oceans between me and her".

When I signed the sheet , I looked at her she was like a statue. She was expressionless, devoid of life. I was breaking inside, with trembling hand, handed over the pen to her. I hope she did remember that day that we spent 7 years together, fighting life.

I have felt inner peace while sitting with her watching sunset, hand in hand. I have been drenched in the rain with her, and ran to get a place under a crowded shed, and sipped hot tea. I used to look to analyse what she is made up of. But that's the beauty of human soul. You can't see it, understand it ..you can only feel it.

It's okay. I can go on living. I can go on smiling. I can go looking at the stars. I can visit beaches, listen to old songs , and maybe cry a lot. But I don't why all this happened. I have been searching a lot. But I think, some questions don't have an answer.  Or maybe they aren't the questions they are the answers.


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